Some of the most difficult things people bring to therapy concern their relationships. You may love someone and find yourself repeatedly hurt, angry, or unable to speak about what matters. You may feel alone within a relationship, or find that the same difficulties return with different people. Sometimes a separation brings you to seek help. At other times, it is the question of whether to stay.
If you are looking for a psychologist in Melbourne for relationship difficulties, individual therapy offers a place to speak about what is happening for you, including what you have struggled to put into words.
When the same argument returns
An argument may begin with something apparently small: an unanswered message, a change of plans, or the way something was said. Before long, it becomes familiar. You find yourself explaining, withdrawing, accusing, or trying to get the other person to understand. Afterwards, you may wonder how you ended up there again.
In therapy, we can begin with these particular moments. What was said? What did you hear in it? What became difficult to bear? The details matter, including the words that stay with you long after an exchange has ended.
There may be something you want from the other person that has become difficult to ask for. You may also be uncertain about what you want, even while feeling strongly that something is missing.
Closeness, distance and uncertainty
Relationships can bring together wishes that are difficult to reconcile. You may want intimacy and feel uneasy when someone comes close. You might wish for more independence, then feel anxious when the other person makes plans without you. Perhaps you find yourself waiting for signs of affection, or questioning them when they arrive.
These experiences can be difficult to admit, especially when you think you should feel differently. There is room to speak about them in the sessions, including jealousy, resentment, disappointment, and the wish to be wanted.
We can attend to how these feelings arise in your life and what you do with them. Your experience deserves careful attention, even where it seems contradictory or does not fit the account you usually give of yourself.
Individual therapy for relationship difficulties
I am Bita Riazati, a registered psychologist and Lacanian psychoanalyst. I work with people experiencing difficulties in intimate relationships, family life, friendships, and relationships at work. Sessions are available in Hawthorn and Belgrave, Melbourne, in English and Persian.
My work with relationship difficulties takes place in individual therapy. I do not offer couples therapy. You can seek an appointment whether you are in a relationship, single, separated, or uncertain about what comes next. Your partner does not need to attend for you to begin speaking about your own experience.
The sessions are a place to explore your questions, your history, and the situations in which you find yourself. We may also consider the place you occupy in a relationship and how you came to take that place.
The place you find yourself taking
Perhaps you are usually the one who listens, accommodates, or keeps the peace. You may find it difficult to say no, then become resentful about how much others expect. Or you may leave relationships at the point when they begin to matter, without quite knowing why.
Such difficulties can raise questions about what you feel you owe others, what you expect from them, and what you believe you must do to remain loved. We can explore these questions without assuming that every relationship follows the same pattern or has the same meaning.
Taking your experience seriously includes recognising the other person’s actions and the circumstances you are living in. Speaking about your own position does not make you responsible for another person’s cruelty, coercion, or violence.
When a relationship changes or ends
A separation can leave questions that continue long after practical arrangements have been made. You may miss someone and also know that the relationship was painful. You might feel relief, grief, anger, or uncertainty about who you are outside that relationship.
Sometimes what is difficult concerns a future you had imagined together. Sometimes it is something left unsaid, or the feeling that the ending has called your own worth into question. These experiences can be brought into therapy without needing to resolve them before you speak.
You may also come while deciding whether to continue a relationship. We can work through what makes that decision difficult and what matters to you in making it.
Beginning therapy in Melbourne
In the initial sessions, you can speak about what has brought you and ask questions about how I work. My approach is informed by psychoanalysis, with attention to your particular experience and what emerges as you speak. We discuss fees, appointment times, and arrangements for ongoing sessions.
I offer in-person appointments in Hawthorn and Belgrave, with online sessions by prior arrangement. You can speak with me in English or Persian.
Differences in language, family expectations, or the meaning each person gives to commitment may also be part of what you wish to speak about with me.